Tag Archives: Semen Analysis

Thoughts on Male Factor Infertility from Chas

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Today’s blog post is from Chas. I had the opportunity to interview Chas and his wife, Audrey, for the project back in December. If you’ve seen our exhibit in person, you may be familiar with his reaction to being diagnosed with Male Factor Infertility. Thanks, Chas, for sharing your story with us!                                                                                          Elizabeth

 “We would have cute kids!”

That was the line I said to my wife while we were in college. Forward? Sure. Did I mean it? Yes. Did I know it would take 3 years and 7 IUI’s to finally have a child? Definitely not.

My wife and I wanted to do the things that we felt we had to do before we had kids. You know: get married, careers, buy a house, travel, etc. It wasn’t until my college roommates had their first child in May of 2012 that we sat down and said, “We want a child. We want to experience that kind of love.”

Flash forward 3-4 months of trying, we both felt something was wrong but due to our medical coverage we had to wait a full calendar year of trying to conceive before diagnostic tests could be run. In June of 2013 we were finally referred to our reproductive endocrinologist and the tests began. All of my wife’s tests came back with nothing wrong with her, but I was a different story.

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Low motility and low sperm count. That is what my semen analysis (SA) read. I was angry. How could this happen? I have never done illegal drugs, I can count on one hand the times I had smoked a cigar, I workout, eat well, take care of my body, What the hell? Did I do my fair share of the college bar scene? Sure, but it’s not like I drank a fifth of Jack Daniels a night. This had to be wrong. Then the next SA three weeks later had the same results. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Why me?

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I was diagnosed with unexplained male factor infertility.  When I was diagnosed with male factor infertility I truly did go though the 5 stages of grief. At first I wanted more SA’s because I was a red-blooded American male and nothing could be wrong with me. Denial. Then when all 5 those SA’s came back the same I was angry at myself, and my body for failing me, with my anger directed towards anyone who crossed my path. I would snap at the littlest things and pick fights just to fight. The anger really stayed for a long time. After that came the bargaining: if I take these infertility vitamins and change my diet that should do the trick. It worked for other people it had to work for me. When the vitamins and diet change didn’t work the depression set in. This is when things got pretty bad. I was truly numb to the world. I disconnected from my wife. She would ask me a question about my day and I would give one-word answers. I couldn’t find the joy in the things I use to love doing. I didn’t want to be around anyone, I just wanted to stay home in the dark. After our 6thIUI failed during National Infertility Awareness Week 2014the acceptance finally started. My wife had posted something on a social media site that she didn’t know other people could see, outed if you will, our struggle to have a child to our friends and family. The cat was out of the bag so to speak.  After that only love and support followed from our friends and family. With that love and support we did a picture for NIAW and we also made a team for the Northern California Walk of Hope.

Chas_NIAW Having to watch my wife take pills and get injections probably was one of the worst parts of the whole IUI process.  The pills gave her hot flashes and I handled that pretty well I think. I always had something to cool her down. The injections were hard to watch. I know IVF injections are more extensive but watching her give herself Menopur injections sucked. Watching her do the pain dance, as we called it, always got to me, but the bruises afterwards would bring tears to my eyes. I had to helplessly stand by and watch as my wife had to go through this for something my body was failing to do.

The infertility community as a whole has been so amazing. My wife and I have met so many amazing people going through the challenges of infertility. I don’t think I have ever met that many people that truly pull for you to succeed in that capacity. There is such a kinship in the community that you really do have to experience it and cannot be qualified into words.

If putting my story out there can change one man’s mind for the better about Male Factor Infertility I would feel I accomplished my goal for this blog. Unfortunately, there really isn’t research and support out there for MFI. Why is it on rise? Chemical age? Maybe, but there is no concrete proof. This is especially true for unexplained MFI. There is no need to feel ashamed and disconnected from your partner no matter the diagnosis you are in this together.

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A Year Without Answers – Guest Blog from Dr. Paul Turek

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This is actually a guest post within a guest post! We had the honor of meeting Dr. Paul Turek from The Turek Clinic in Beverly Hills and San Francisco at our event in Calabasas, CA last week. Dr. Turek is passionate about art and we are excited to have him as an ART of Infertility sponsor!
Maria and I are very determined to include the stories of more men in the project and had two fantastic interviews with men while in California. We’re hoping to hear from more men who would like to share their stories and are working on developing ART of IF programming that will strike a bigger chord with men. Stay tuned! This is a two part blog so we’ll run this one today and another in a couple of weeks. Thanks, Dr. Turek for sharing your blog with us! Here’s a link back to Dr. Turek’s blog so you can read more posts from him. 
Elizabeth
A Year Without Answers

 — Written by Paul Turek, MD
Categories — Azoospermia, Fatherhood, Genetic Infertility, Male Infertility, Reproduction, Sperm Count, Stress
Elemental, a painting by A.J. Russell
“Elemental” Courtesy of the Artist: A.J. Russell

This is a guest post from a patient who lives in Europe. He recently recontacted me about his experience with male infertility and how it affected him.  Moved by his story and by his emotional fortitude, I asked him if he could share his remarkable journey with others. 

“The day we met with Dr. Turek was a week filled with hope and happiness. Almost a year earlier, on the same day, I went through a biopsy with the result that there were no sperm. So when we found out about Dr Turek, this really felt like the last chance, the last hope. Therefore the decision to travel across the world to see him was an easy one. The visit and procedure went well, but, again, the result from mapping showed no sperm. And no answer as to why this is.

It has been a year since I spoke with Dr. Turek about these results, a year characterized by disappointment, anger, sadness and worst of all, no answers. There were simply no answers to be found. Why me? Why now? What now? Literally a thousand questions ran through my head interfering with my daily life, keeping me up at night and affecting my relationships. I had never felt anything like this before.

I wanted so badly to not feel alone in this. I wanted someone to understood my plight, without me having to explain every small detail, because you can´t explain this feeling.

I needed to talk about it. I just couldn’t bury it. But, who was I going to talk to? And what would I talk about? I felt isolated as there appeared to be a big taboo regarding this topic. Anyone I spoke to told me focus on other things in life. But how are you supposed to do that when all you think about is the fact that you can’t have your own children? I knew no one with a similar experience who would step forward and talk about his experiences and feelings. Google searches were pointless, as the Internet does not care and information on coping is useless.

That year was best characterized by the feeling of being lost and trying to find my way in darkness without a map or light. I felt that I was in a deep, dark place, especially when I tried to look forward into the future.

Feeling alone, I began suppressing everything. All feelings, thoughts and discussions were avoided. I told my close family that I did not want talk about this matter anymore. It was a buried subject for me, never to see the light of day again.  The reason for this was that talking about this issue within the family only made things worse. One problem with this approach was that the bright spots in my life also suffered along side. The subject became an 800-pound gorilla that, although ignored, never left the room. Maybe the gorilla was bigger than 800-pounds as the family dynamics changed greatly.

Then I became angry, sometimes uncontrollably. This was when I could see that I was approaching rock bottom. The slightest annoyance, comment or action sent me into a furious rage where I often exploded at whomever was next to me. Many times it was my wife, which led us to the brink of divorce. We were both tired of fighting and there appeared to no other solution to end the fighting but dissolving the marriage. This moment was a real eye opener for me.

What helped keep me going to some degree during this time was my job. As a futures trader, my work was very involving and in the moment. Believe it or not, it was also logical and predictable, in a mathematical sort of way. It could be explained and reasoned with and while doing it, I could leave all my troubles behind. But I couldn´t hide in my job forever.

I turned the corner at rock bottom when I realized that if I did not start controlling my emotions and start being honest with myself, my life as I knew it would change dramatically. It was on that day, a very cold one in December, that I realized that I was just too exhausted to continue to fight with myself and others. I couldn’t bear to face another year continuing on the same as the last. So, I stopped lying to myself and began to face the reality of my emotions.”

The second and final part of this guest series will be available Monday, March 19th.

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