Anxiety, Infertility, and Peace through Art and Meditation

by Elizabeth Walker

Several years ago, I was sitting in my therapist’s office having a discussion. I don’t remember what we were talking about but I was likely sharing some recent stressful situation when she responded with something like, “I think that we can attribute this to your anxiety,” to which I replied, “Anxiety? I don’t have anxiety.” She looked extremely skeptical. That’s when it clicked, “Oh! You’re right. I DO struggle with anxiety.”

The truth was, being anxious and on edge was something that was so normal for me, I didn’t even recognize it as such. My mind never stops. I’m always thinking about what’s coming next, always running potential scenarios through my head. Worried about what might happen if I choose to do A instead of B. It’s distracting, stressful, and my infertility diagnosis only made it worse.

So, I became devoted to setting aside time in my day for meditation, hoping it would calm my mind. Usually it was before bed at the end of the day or during my commute to and from work. (I carpooled at the time. I do not recommend this if you are driving!)  It wasn’t easy at first. I found that guided visualization seemed to work best for me but would still find myself distracted and thinking of everything but what the calm voice inside my ear buds was instructing me to. However, with practice, it became one of my favorite times of the day. Even better, before long, I didn’t even need to actually listen to the audio recording. I could just think about it and get relief!

The CD cover for Anji's Meditation for the Fertile Soul.

The CD cover for Anji, Inc’s Meditation for the Fertile Soul.

One of my favorite meditations throughout this journey has been one by Anji, Inc, called Finding Stillness. It’s part of a collection called Meditations for a Fertile Soul. Part of this guided visualization focuses on finding your own place of peace within your body and imagining what it looks like. Mine is on my left side, just behind my lower ribs and is a pearlescent periwinkle. I began to imagine this place any time I felt the anxiety taking hold of me. It helped tremendously.

After some time, I wanted to create a physical representation of that space. I love creating little shadow boxes because they are small and don’t overwhelm me like a large, blank canvas sometimes can. So, I created this “Place of Peace” using a small cardboard box (think the kind jewelry comes in), a wooden frame, water color paper, paint, and feathers. place-of-peace_3118My ultimate goal in this infertility journey is to feel peace. The feathers represent that lightness that I hope to feel when I have reached some resolution, whatever that may be.

 

My Spiritual Awakening: Thoughts from Renee Waggener of Xtraordinary Fertility

I’m constantly amazed by the opportunities for meeting those dealing with infertility, and helping them on their journey through art and story telling, that ART of IF is allowing me as the project grows. One upcoming opportunity is to present a prayer flag art workshop at the Revive Your Baby Making Mojo retreat in Ben Lomond, CA. Ben Lamond is located in the Santa Cruz Mountains, where the Redwoods meet the ocean. Sounds awesome, right?! It’s an incredible experience any time there’s an opportunity to get together with others living with infertility so I hope you’ll consider joining me in California to create some art around your infertility experience. There’s still room at the retreat and it’s an amazing value ($197 includes food, lodging, and all activities when you register by September 1st) with a great line up.  This event is being hosted by Renee Waggener of Xtraordinary Fertility October 2-4. Maria and I met Renee at RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association’s Advocacy Day this year and she is sharing as our guest blogger this week. Thanks, Renee, for inviting ART of IF to share through art making at your retreat and for sharing with us through your blog post this week!

Elizabeth

My Spiritual Awakening

I just got done listening to 13 speakers in the Meditation your way to Millions Master Class lead by one of my super hero’s Lisa Cherney.  It was awesome.  Each speaker gave away super cool tools and insight into what “spiritual Practice” has lead to their business success.  I found so many parallels in how you integrate your spiritual habits into building a business with how each of us builds a family.  This sooo doesn’t surprise me, because the same section or chakra of our bodies… the root chakra is all about “Creation”.  Whether it’s a creation of a business or we are creating a baby thru our bodies or adoption… we still need a spiritual “Practice” to help each of these succeed.

I’ve never really tooted my own spiritual horn because I really believe that we each need our freedom to choose for ourselves what works for each of us.  And one of the things that really hit me in the summit is that I need to start speaking more from my heart when it comes to spirit and the message that I’m spreading with Fertility.  I believe deeply that each of us is surrounded by a team of angels, guides, God, Universe, Mother Earth… and sometimes I call all of that “Spirit”. You call it what feels right for you.

My personal spiritual practice has gone in waves through the years.  Sometimes I do something and sometimes I don’t, which is when I’m hiding or scared to connect.

This past year, I’ve put into practice a journaling exercise that I’ve been consistent with and it has opened me up to more possibilities, new relationships and deeper growth on my own personal purpose path in helping all of you in the fertility community.

Now that I’ve listened to these awesome speakers and what they do; I’ve realized it’s time to step up my practice.  This is so much more than thinking positive, or prayer.  It’s building a life practice that will not only help me help you, but more than that it will deepen my connection to spirit, give me more confidence to “Let Go of the outcome” (harder to do) and Really Trust in the process so that I can reach more people and help them (YOU) have babies and ultimately live a Fertilicious Life well into parenthood.

With that I really want to give to you today’s tips:

Knowledge is Power. There are many treatment options available for your infertility, so the more you know about each procedure will help you to make an empowered decision for you and your partner.  There’s no one size fits all solution here. Don’t compare your decision based on what others do.  Also, when you do the research, you don’t have to make a decision right away. Let it sit and let your intuition guide you on your “next best” choice.

Tick-Tock. Determine how long you will try to conceive. Being on the same page as your partner is important and you should agree on this.  There is no right or wrong decision here.  Choose a reasonable length that is comfortable for you and your partner. Also, know that this can be subject to change at anytime.  Maybe even schedule in some breaks to where you are NOT thinking of your fertility.

Cha-Ching! Determine how much money you are willing to spend on treatment. As you may already know, fertility treatments can be costly.  It’s important for the health of your relationship to determine how much money you are willing to part with. Again, this number will be different for each couple. It has to work for you! Also, look at your relationship with money. Do you have some beliefs around money that inhibit you? (I.e. I’m broke all the time = I’m unworthy) Notice this, then call me because I can help with this at the Revive Your Baby Making Mojo Retreat October 2-4.

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Register Here

I look forward to seeing if this touched you at all.  Please post a comment on FB if it did.

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With Peace and Light,

Renee

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The Psychological Benefits of Support Groups and Mindfulness for Women Choosing ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology)

Ivy Margulies, PsyD is our guest blogger this week and shares some fascinating info on the benefits of support groups and what you can do if one if not available to you. Thanks so much for sharing with us, Ivy!

The Psychological Benefits of Support Groups and Mindfulness for Women Choosing ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology)

In reviewing existing research on the psychosocial factors associated with the use of in vitro fertilization (IVF), it is patently clear that strong social support is helpful in reducing the anxiety, stress and fear in women deciding to pursue this path.  To illustrate further, a recent study by the Mayo Clinic (2002) found women who attended group sessions prior to a cycle of IVF were significantly less anxious during the IVF treatment when compared to women who did not participate in a support group.

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As a clinical psychologist and facilitator of infertility support groups, I have witnessed first-hand the psychological benefits associated with the reduction in stress and anxiety that takes place when women come together and share their intimate journey of infertility.  Moreover, when women allow themselves to feel emotionally vulnerable in a group they immediately feel heard and seen by others traveling the same uncertain journey. They are no longer invisible as they pursue having a much wanted baby.

In general however, most women going through infertility treatments keep it to themselves and are less likely to share or seek social support during this time in their lives.  Many couples don’t particularly want to tell people about it which compounds the embarrassment, shame and stigma they may be feeling.  Many women report feeling defective; not “normal” when compared to their peers who are able to conceive easily.  This compounds the common feeling of being socially isolated, particularly when research tells us social support is critical for women and their partners who are going through infertility.

Scientific evidence strongly confirms that emotional well being along with various forms of health benefits are in direct correlation to social support.  Women experience positive emotions when they have supportive interactions with other women who are going through the same experience.

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However, positive results can also be achieved when women (and their partners) use mindfulness techniques.  Defined by Merriam-Webster as a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, mindfulness allows for calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. Further more, it can be used as a therapeutic technique to help people with any number of distressing feelings and situations as well as beneficial in the practice of meditation.

Mindfulness has myriad applications.  An interesting finding on the benefit of using mindfulness is that it can be used in place of a support group (or in conjunction with a support group) when there either is no support group in your area or if you personally prefer not to partake in a support group experience and can be implemented this way:  If you take the time to close your eyes for ten to twenty minutes, minimum per day, and imagine that you are receiving unconditional, loving support from your family and friends as it relates to your infertility, you can elicit a similar benefit of reducing symptoms of stress and anxiety as if you were participating in a group therapy process.  In addition, there is a reduction in feelings of distress and self-criticism, just as there is when you participate in a support group.

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I am encouraged by this finding which confirms that continued practice in mindfulness based techniques can be used as a tool that you can implement simply by exercising the power of your mind which once trained, can be used in any number of other anxiety provoking situations in your life, not only those associated with IVF.

 Ivy Margulies, PsyD of Angels Born Still is a clinical psychologist in Santa Monica, California specializing in maternal mental health, including stillbirth, miscarriage, infertility, postpartum mood and anxiety disorders, and infant loss. Dr. Margulies brings mindfulness and awareness to the mind-body-spirit connection through meditation, visualization, and breath work.

In addition to Dr. Margulies’ clinical practice, she is a death midwife, assisting and helping educate the family on processes associated with the transition of life into death, at any age. The work Dr. Margulies does is designed to create a sacred space for parents who have experienced perinatal death for reasons that are unknown and make no sense.  She is dedicated to improving the care and information families need in the hospital.

Dr. Margulies is a member of the Los Angeles County Perinatal Mental Health Task Force, working to reduce the stigma and shame around maternal mental health issues while raising awareness of the #1 complication of pregnancy and childbirth.

 

She can be reached at ivy@drivymargulies.com or through her website www.drivymargulies.com