I was photographing a work event a few years ago when the brother-in-law of the guest of honor struck up a conversation with me. It started with small talk about my camera, as it often does, and then he asked, “Do you have a family?” I didn’t have to think about my answer, and immediately said yes. He asked a follow up question about who was in my family and I told him about my husband and my dog. He looked positively confused. Only then did I realize he was inquiring about my children. I don’t have children, but I DO have a family.

Elizabeth’s family includes husband, Scott and dog, Spot. Not pictured, the newest member of the family, an 8 year old chihuahua.

It’s a common myth that you must have children to be part of a family. In actuality, families come in many different varieties. Families of two adults are a family. Those who are not partnered are still part of a family of relatives and friends that they create for themselves. I feel a little pain in my heart any time I hear of a “family friendly” event, when what is really meant is that an event is appropriate for children.

I have no question that my husband and I and our two dogs are a family, even if we don’t fit the vision that comes to mind for most people. I would like the work that we do through ART of Infertility to reflect that families come in all varieties and help broaden what comes to mind when one hears the word. Below, Maria shares her thoughts on family and we’d love to hear what family means to you.

Elizabeth

When I was 21, two of my college roommates returned from their European study abroad trip. They came back with a range of gifts – Belgium chocolates, scarves, perfumes –typical European presents. My gift, though, was slightly atypical. I remember opening up the bag, hoping for a scarf, and yet finding a baby’s bib featuring a cartoonish image of the 1964 era Beatles. Holding the bib up, I burst into laughter – it was a gift only close friends would know I would want.

The bib Maria received from her friends.

When we met each other in our college dorm rooms, it was our love of the Beatles that brought us together. In many ways, the Beatles forged our friendship. But why a bib? The running joke was that I would most likely be the first to get pregnant. I had the serious relationship. I had a huge family. I had a baby brother whom I shared an 18 year old age difference with. It was assumed I would get married out of college, have kids and that the bib would be a way to tell my babies about their Auntie Rachel and Auntie Kelsey. It has taken me now 8 years to get rid of that bib.

I’ve transported that bib from WI to MI and back to WI. Throughout multiple moves, I always new where that bib was – packed nicely away in a bin of other various childhood mementos. Unpacking from my most recent move this past summer, I came across the bib. Taking it out of the bin, a wave of emotions flooded myself. Fond memories of college appeared, and then shortly dissipated as I came to realize that I had never used the bib and (most likely) will never use that bib. Every move my husband and I made, I thought of getting rid of the bib. But getting rid of the bib, felt like getting rid of hope that some miraculous baby would come into our lives.

This last week, I finally felt ready to get of the bib. So many things have happened to my husband and me – particularly in this past year. We’ve moved again back to our home state of WI. We’ve changed careers. We’ve said goodbye to our first dog. But through all of these changes, we’ve found happiness – finally– after years of struggling with coming to terms with our infertility. Much of this happiness I attribute to embracing the family that we are.

Maria with her family.

We are a family that may never have our own children, and we are okay with that. We are family that believes being an awesome aunt and uncle can be just as important as being a good parent. We are family that believes our two dogs love us just like our children would love us. We are family that believes we became stronger because of infertility, when we could have chosen for it to split us apart. We are family that may not be recognized or viewed as complete, but knows in our hearts, we are who we are – a family of four – Kevin, Maria + the pups Mason & Gia.