This week, we’re running perspectives on parenting after infertility from Chas and Audrey, whose daughter, Ella, was born after their seventh IUI. Chas has been a guest blogger for us in the past and we’ll also be sharing his story at our event at The Turek Clinic in San Francisco on June 16th. We hope you’ll join us! We’re sharing Chas’ perspective’s today. Look for Audrey’s on Thursday. This post does contain an image of a baby and parenting.
– Elizabeth
“Enjoy it, it goes by so quick! Wait till she is a teenager!” I nod my head and give a faint smile just like I would with all the “just relax it will happen in time” advice we would get when we were trying to start our family.
I feel like there is no “after” infertility. It really never leaves you after you have gone through it. Infertility becomes a part of who you are as a person, a couple, and as a family. It will always be part of Ella’s story. I remember the exact day my wife triggered November 1st, 2014 at a friend’s house warming/Halloween party. I feel most couples who haven’t struggled to have their own family wouldn’t know that kind of thing. I also know the exact day my daughter was conceived November 3rd 2014 at Kaiser Vacaville with my wife wearing her fuzzy Halloween socks, and Northern California Walk of Hope shirt on our 7th and last IUI.
My wife and I gave so much of ourselves in our struggle to have a child I feel we are giving as much if not more of ourselves to be the best parents we can be. We don’t want to be just good parents, but the absolute best for our daughter. Parenthood has been a lot harder than I would have thought, but also so much more rewarding. I will admit that waking up at every single cry was a little bit of a struggle for me. My wife would attest to this fact, but those moments where it was just me, and my daughter alone when only I could soothe her will be forever etched in my memory. Her coos are what kept me going on those sleepless nights where I had to go to work the next morning.
Chas with newborn Ella, who was conceived on their seventh and final IUI.
Going back to work was rough for me. I just wanted to be home with the daughter we tried so long to have. I didn’t want to have a family just to be constantly away from them. I was jealous my wife was able to take close to 6 months off when Ella was born. I felt I missed so much in the 10 hours I was gone, and Ella was already a completely different little human when I got back home. Thank goodness we live in a digital age because if it wasn’t for FaceTime, and picture sending it would have been a lot harder than it was.
FMLA is amazing. Those 6 weeks I was able to be at home with my daughter were just pure bliss (except for the whole sleep training part). Being there every minute of every day is something I wish every father could have. It made me appreciate everything my wife had done during her 6 months off. Seeing Ella smile when I woke her up for the day would make me melt. I like to think I’m a tough guy but around my daughter I’m just a teddy bear.
I am thankful everyday that I get to be a father. I really didn’t think it was going to happen for me. Now that Ella is almost 9 months everyone asks, “So when is the next one coming?” Part of me wants to say Ella took 3 years of heartbreak and 7 IUI’s! I just want to enjoy her and all her little milestones. The other part of me is starting to think Ella would be an awesome big sister, and as she gets older I start to miss her baby stages. I know it won’t be easy but maybe lightning in a bottle (or syringe) can happen twice.